So this week, for the first time of his own volition, my son told me that he loved me. Ok, it sounds more like "I Lub Oo," (said mostly as one word) but still! I'm am constantly awed at how pure and honest he is, sometimes painfully so. That's what makes these moments so overwhelming. There's no pretense, he doesn't hold back, he just expresses exactly what he thinks/wants/feels right now and as unadulterated as possible. He dances with wild abandon to pretty much any song he fancies. He's very fond of the ABC song at the moment, and that's definitely in the top 10 dance songs at our house. When you watch him, his movements are so natural, he tries new contortions and flailings spontaneously and without self conscious inhibition. What must it be like to be that free? I know I probably was at one time, but it was so long ago and I'm so inhibited by how I hope and fear other people perceive me that I'm never sure I'm myself anymore.
How does that happen? How do we start living outside ourselves so much? What makes us think we should? Is it reversible? I hope so. I think I'm gonna try it.
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I remember giving this subject a lot of thought after having read J.D. Salinger's "The Catcher in The Rye". There really is something there that strikes home, and the crazier the person the closer to home it probably hits. Which is also probably why it made a significant impact on me! I actually think I read this around the time 2Pac died, coincidence? :}
But anyway, for the sake of mental well-being, I consider the answers to these questions to be the same ones my physics teachers tell me when I have fundamental (yet apparently annoying) questions: "That's just the way it is".
Already after reaching the age of 24 I have sadly come to realize that the closest I will ever be to winning the title of heavyweight champion of the world, will be in
those moments I spend watching the fights on T.V. I suppose there is no real healthy way to reverse our normal developmental processeses. We may be stuck with some 'phoniness', but just as I still have a lot of fun watching fights I'm sure you have fun watching the little viking doing his thing :]
As far as experiencing a particularly elevated level of freedom in adulthood though I have found that freedom seems to be in movement. Or to define it more accurately: Skillful manipulation of own body in motion. Now, I realize that this sounds like something I thought up while hopped up on some John Lennon, however I suspect people who try it or has tried it will know exactly what I mean. Some seem to achieve it through dance, some
through sports or whatever other physical arts there are. But when the only 'good' alternatives seem to be mental escapism in the form of things like drugs, daydreaming or gaming away from reality, I think it could be argued that John Lennon rules. Even if I consider being a John Lennon fan one of the worst personal traits a person can have.
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