My Dad said I should start a blog...

Where I've been...

2011-04-05T21:52:00.003-04:00

Well...if I could summarize why I've been absent for the last year it would go like this:

Shortly after my last blog post my son managed to hit his head on a post at the swimming pool resulting in him needing 5 staples, after this we spent a week in Florida on "vacation," when we got back I started having some itching, hives, and skin sensitivity that basically sent me down the rabbit hole psychologically and somewhat physically. Because my doctors couldn't figure out what was causing this debilitating itching I was sent hither and yon for tests and, consultations and overall psychological trauma. It's hard to explain...but basically I've become a full blown hypochondriac in the midst of all of this. I spent so much time fearing the results of the tests and evaluations each given doctor was administering that I started to lose my perspective on my own body.

I could talk about the details of this journey but I'll leave that for later posts. Suffice it to say this last year has been really dark for me...in the last while I seem to be seeing rays of light...

From Almond milk to epiphany...

2010-04-15T15:23:00.003-04:00

I made fresh, raw, almond milk for the first time today. I've made a number of recipes that called for it but since I didn't have any nut milk bags I had shied away from this ingredient, and substituted something else. However, I've been wanting to make some vegan yogurt for the good bacteria benefits and so I decided to make my own almond milk. The yogurt is "incubating" as we speak...I'll give a report on that at a later date. But the milk is fabulous...I love it...

What I love the most about eating/living raw is how invigorated I feel by the process. Not just because my body is being fueled in the best way possible but also psychologically. The act and "ritual" of eating raw is interesting, fun and liberating. It's like a whole new world has opened up to me. I'm fairly sure, based on what I've read, that my experience with this lifestyle shift is not unique to me. However, my guess is that you come to raw eating because you're already searching for something. You're hungry (pun intended) and you are primed for a new paradigm. I like the view from here I hope it stays.

Birthdays aren't what they used to be...

2010-03-30T18:51:00.002-04:00

I turned 34 this past weekend. I had a lovely birthday. My parents took me out to dinner the night before. I got some nice gifts. I went to see "Wicked" on my birthday with two cool ladies and then that evening I went out to dinner with my husband. I felt celebrated. However, none of that can hold a candle to the way I used to feel and experience my birthdays when I was younger...and by younger I mean between the ages of 6 and 18. In those days, birthdays were full of pomp and excitement and treasures. The truth is that I'm not certain that the actual mechanics of my birthdays are all that different. There is still usually some small gathering of people who are important to me, there's usually a decadent dessert and the presents are by far more decadent now than they were then. So, why aren't they the same? I guess it's simple. It's something that I've wrote about on here before. As we age we tend to lose the wonder and joy that is so easily attached to things when we are young. Why is that? I WANT THAT BACK! Is there really any good reason why I shouldn't feel as excited about my birthday this year as I did when was 10? I think I'll aim for that next year...or maybe even a little bit of that in every day life starting today.

Well...

2010-03-13T08:08:00.002-05:00

Let me get this out there right away. I am absolutely horrible at blogging/journaling. Not because I can't think of anything to say (obviously) but because I lack the ability to sit down and hammer it out most of the time!

I have basically been raw for a little over a month now. I have had a few, very small, detours when having some salad dressing eating out and on my recent weekend getaway to visit friends. However, I would say that overall I'm about 95% raw. It is definitely difficult at times but overall I would describe this lifestyle shift as fantastic. I am definitely noticing benefits from this. My skin is clearer, I am sleeping better and I'm losing weight. I am seeing a homeopathic physician and she was blown away by the improvement in my blood results...so I'm inspired.

Even in this short time I'm learning how to tweak this way of eating for my enjoyment and benefit. I have lots of raw food books and recipes. I am finding that when I stick too closely to any one regimen or concoction it doesn't quite suit me. I'm learning...

For the random person who may stumble upon this blog the following are some important things I've learned starting out. There are a few items I've purchased that have made this change for me much easier. Those items are my Excalibur Food Dehydrator and some books (several paper form books sand a number of e-books). The books are fairly self explanatory; they've provided me with tons of information on what to expect, what to try and why I should do this. The dehydrator has provided me with far greater options for eating choices as well as making it possible to have items akin to corn chips and breads which have been staples of my diet for a very long time. I already owned a nice food processor which is something I could not have done without at this point. One item I did not yet invest in, that I'm glad I held off on, was a fancy blender. A month ago, when I was just starting out, many of the books I read and websites I perused made going raw without an expensive powerful blender sound next to impossible. This is definitely not true. About a year ago my fairly nice Kitchen Aid blender gave up the ghost. Being in a bit of a money crunch at the time I chose to buy a very inexpensive Oster blender (I think it was a little over $20) to tide me over for a few years. This is the blender I have been using so far in going raw. It's been absolutely fine. Now I have no doubt (from having used them before) that a Vita-Mix or the like might be a little faster and sometimes get things a little smoother. But for the price difference of somewhere around $400 or so I'll deal with my Oster for awhile. Don't get me wrong, one day I'd like to have that fancy powerful blender but it is not a necessity right now the way my dehydrator and food processor are. The other item I'm using somewhat frequently, but I would not consider a necessity is a juicer. I had a stroke of good luck in finding out my parents had a Champion juicer that they are not using and were happy to let me use. I have only done a little juicing with it in actuality. I've mostly used it as an emulsifier to make some very yummy, ice cream-like desserts.

Well, there it is...I've done a month of raw and I'm a convert. If you're actually reading this and would like more info from me feel free to contact me =)

I CAN TASTE!!!!

2010-02-11T18:51:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted for the last few days since I couldn't taste and had little to report on my adventures in raw other than that I'm eating it =) However, as of late yesterday and mostly today I can smell some and taste again. It's awesome! Anyway...I've been starting my mornings with a green smoothie...very good...weird getting used to the strong green color and awareness of leafy greens in my smoothie, but nonetheless good. By lunch time I am ravenous. I've had a few different things, some sprouted lentil soup, salad, and raw burritos. The soup was very good...but very spicy as it had jalapeno, garlic and onion in it. I'm noticing raw recipes in general to be on the strong side in regards to flavor. I am assuming this is meant to compensate for, well, something. I've found that toning some of the recipes down in regards to garlic or onion or something else equally strong has helped a little. Don't' get me wrong, I am usually a garlic and onion fiend, but having any one flavor taking over completely isn't my cup of tea.

Anyway, tonight I wanted some california rolls, not particularly vegan/raw friendly as rice is especially important in the california roll since it's what "disguises" the nori on the outside. I decided to improvise. I used a little raw "cream" from Juliano's cream sushi recipe on the outside of the nori to stick broccoli sprouts to the nori. It turned out semi-ok. It was definitely messy but still tasty.

Overall, I'm doing ok. I've found I'm not eating enough as I'm having these major hunger swings an hour or more after some meals that leave me wanting to devour everything in sight. We'll see...

Having a cold is not helping...but maybe it is...

2010-02-09T10:17:00.002-05:00

So I've had this horrific cold for about 10 days now. Three days into it I lost my sense of smell...and so largely my sense of taste (I'm assuming temporarily until I am completely well). Last night I started my latest venture into raw food. I mad this "pasta" of squash and zucchini with a creamy sauce. My husband, ever long suffering for my experiments, is coming along for the ride with raw. I ate my supper...reasonably enjoyably for not being able to taste much more than salt and slight sweet and experience nice textures. He did not enjoy so much =( The recipe called for miso, white miso to be specific, which he's since concluded he doesn't like...the frustrating part is I don't have any idea if I like it. I've had miso before...but not in this way...and I don't remember it well anyway. But I truly can not taste it at all...other than the saltiness...FRUSTRATING!

This morning I made a green smoothie with Mango, Beet Greens, Spirulina, little agave syrup, water and lemon juice. It tasted good...well the sweetness and the texture did...I'm wondering if I would feel the same way if I could smell...I'm hoping so.

Raw...again...

2010-02-08T21:27:00.004-05:00

So...about 8 years ago I was first introduced to a raw diet by a fellow classmate. She had found that it had transformed her life. The reason we ended up talking about it was that she would eat dinner (that she brought with her) right before class. I always commented on how good her food smelled. To make a long story short, I ended up diving into a relatively small trial of raw food eating. Well, I was younger then...newly married...less educated...and I didn't stick with it.

I've decided to have another go at it. Fortunately for me it's eight years later and the internet has exploded with raw food resources. Now in case there's any confusion this is a vegan raw food diet, not one of those that is based on eating lots of raw meat and eggs.

I have no idea if anyone is even still reading this blog...but if you are and want to "rap" (LOL) about a raw food diet...well, drop me a line =)

Stay tuned...I'll keep you posted.

Feeling festive...

2009-11-25T22:54:00.003-05:00

I am really enjoying being in the city this time of year. There is an air of festivity and anticipation that I have not felt for a long time now. It's nice. There are people out and about...there are things happening...I feel like "we" are part of a communal holiday. It's funny how I find myself adjusting to change. Initially after moving 700 miles across the country I found myself yearning for the familiar: my house, my yard, routes and places I have been many times. I still long for that sometimes, particularly on difficult days. But as more time goes by I find myself attaching to new places and things. Mostly what I feel differently about is the future...it looks different but it's not quite as predictable or as limited as I had planned and while at times it's unsettling, it often makes me feel like I'm living in a much more full and present way.

An Emergency Room Anecdote...

2009-09-10T11:06:00.004-04:00

You may or may not know that I spent some time, this past weekend, as a patient in an Emergency Care Center and then later an Emergency Room. Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that I have spent many hours working in several different emergency rooms so I know that my experience was not in any way atypical.

I arrived at the Emergency Care Center around 2am. I was given a cursory exam. It was determined that I needed some tests (a cat scan and cbc to be specific). I was promptly placed on IV fluids and offered pain medication (which I declined). Nothing remarkable or notable happened for the next couple hours as we waited for my body to ingest the Barium to facilitate the cat scan.

Around 4:45am the cat scan results didn’t appear to indicate a need for surgery but the physician is not confident in making that call alone. He would like me to receive a surgical consult, which he says must be done at the ER and requires me to transfer to another facility. Keep in mind that I am in little to no pain at this point. I am able to move of my own volition and power. But, I too want to be sure that we make the right choice and I agree to the consult. Unfortunately, my husband and I only have one car for our family that broke down earlier that day, not to mention he is at home alone with my 3.5 year old (who is asleep). I explain this to the doctor and tell him I’ll call for a taxi to take me to the ER. He then says, “Oh, you don’t have to do that. You can go by ambulance.” Those of you who are in the medical field probably have a good idea of what this means, not only in regards to hassle, resources and work for the system, but also financially for either, me, the hospital, my insurance, or the state. I express my reluctance to use the ambulance option. The doctor jokes that the taxi is likely to be much quicker anyway and agrees to my plan.

When I was last transported by ambulance (my head wound in 2005) it ended up costing my then lame insurance (Blue Cross Blue Shield) about $600 and me another $500. The taxi ride I took this weekend cost $15.

In an attempt to make a long story short I will skip some of the details that lend further evidence (beyond the ambulance debacle) to how inefficient and wasteful the traditional operations of this system are (prescription of iv narcotics I didn’t need, general malaise in processing me through the system, and poor communications between ER staff and other departments). The more disturbing aspect of this whole thing for me is how often when I worked in an emergency setting I saw this very same thing happen to many people who not only didn’t have insurance, but also didn’t have the information to make better choices and ended up receiving services they didn’t need. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are lots of people who definitely do need those services and I am very grateful that they are available. But think how great it would be if those who didn’t need them didn’t get them and we could offer more to those who do.

Many times throughout my most recent experience at the ER I was relieved to know I had insurance, because there are times in my life when I have not. And for those of you who believe that not having insurance is a plight reserved for the illegal aliens, or well-fare families, or just general degenerates of society. I am an American citizen, born and raised in the USA. I am well educated (by most people’s standards) in that I completed an undergraduate degree (nearly two), went on to finish a graduate degree, and have a license to practice psychology. I have never been unemployed for more than 1 month since the age of 14 until I decided to be a stay-at-home mom to my now nearly four year old son. Even then I promptly purchased private insurance; which despite costing over $300/month only partially covered major medical expenses. I guess what I’m getting at is that those of you who stand in your very fragile and precarious ivory tower must have led a charmed life to have no sympathy for those who need the security and assurance that health care provides.

I appeal to your baser instincts in that the waste and inefficiency is costing you money. Those uninsured end up in the ER over and over and over (those of you in the medical field know this is true) and those of us paying our bills and taxes end up paying for that in one way or another anyway.

Why has being a humanitarian and stretching our dollars in different directions now become a concept that is so threatening to people?

This is personal...

2009-09-03T11:05:00.001-04:00

…I had a miscarriage in January. This last month has been really hard for me because of that. We would have been bringing our new baby home in early August. Before this happened to me I thought that if you already had a child, a miscarriage, while sad, would not feel as painful as it does for people who don’t have any children. I’m certain there is some truth to that too. However, I think it also leads to different kinds of pain.

Of course I am sad that our family hasn’t been expanded with a new and unique personality. I yearn for the soft little head to cradle in my hands and kiss and nurture and love. What I did not completely expect was the pain I feel when I see other children with their siblings. I feel pangs of loss for my son and the relationship he doesn’t have … and may never have. I somehow feel like I have deprived him of something he deserves in life.

It seems strange how much of my energy now is completely invested in the happiness and success of someone else. I know all of the advice and wisdom out there on how you need to maintain your own identity and priorities in the face of motherhood but the deeper I get into this thing (motherhood) the more I’m not certain that is possible. Don’t get me wrong, I still have things I do, I enjoy and pursue…but it’s not the same…and it probably never will be. There will always be a part of me, as long as I am alive, who is living for my child. This recent loss reminds of that, and in some ways brings to the forefront another mourning in my life; the one for my old self. The one when it was “just me.” The one who went to movies at midnight and slept in on the weekends and planned vacations that did not include “kid friendly accommodations.” The me who went to graduate school and believed that I had time and resources (not money) to do whatever I wanted in life. I miss her.

Ok...I am so tired of this nonsense...

2009-07-22T22:45:00.002-04:00

So...I get back from an evening at Chuck E. Cheese...not exactly the type of food I like to feed my family, not exactly the type of entertainment I'm super into but the short of it is that my son had a blast and I had a great time watching him. I log on for my pre-bed Facebook fix and am perusing a friend's posts about the possible healthcare reforms. I'm not really in her camp on this but I make my best effort to respect her opinion. Then I notice that someone I don't know commented on her post saying, "That's what you get for electing a socialist president. Great job America!"

I'm not going to get into some super long explanation for exactly why I find this incredibly stupid, immature, unproductive, short-sighted, narrow-minded and embarrassing. However, can someone please explain to me how it is that we went from having a president who every time he spoke aloud made it more difficult to travel outside of the country without people hating us to having one who seems to be increasing our stature in the rest of the world and yet a huge group of people want nothing more than to go back to what we had before or worse (Sarah Palin)? It seems that a lot of people out there are willing to vote and align themselves politically exclusively based on their own limited understanding of how a given politician might affect the industry they work in. That's a pretty limited criteria for evaluating the health of a nation.

I am fearful of where this country is headed, not because of our politicians on either side of the aisle so much as the division that exists between its people. There are many out there who see this country as having two teams and that you are on one side or the other. I suppose this might be a natural outgrowth of a two party system. The day after the election I wrote a post about how we are not all that different in what we ultimately want. Apparently that post wasn't the earth-shattering, society changing epiphany I hoped it would be. But really people, at what other time in your life have you ever been willing to allow someone else to set up a set of values and opinions for you and you swallow them all hook, line and sinker?

I guess what I'm crying for here is please, think for yourselves. Turn off you talking heads on tv or the radio and think on your own. Evaluate the pros and cons of each plan, of each politician, of each piece of legislation. While you're at it, try to think of someone other than yourself when you do this. Try and imagine what it's like to struggle with something that you've never been confronted with before. It's really easy to be confident in what you believe and what you stand for when you've never had it tested.

As usual, this post is a somewhat disjointed rant. But, I wish that some people out there would just try, just a little to step away from their tradition of intolerance and consider another way of being. Socialist? I am laughing out loud at that one. I don't even have the energy to explain all that's wrong with that statement.

I moved...

2009-07-09T22:44:00.004-04:00

Anyone who is bothering to read this probably already knows that I have moved - geographically. Which of course, being who I am, makes me think about how else I've "moved." Most people would describe this move for me as "going home," as I have lived here before and it's quite close to where I grew up. In many ways that's true. In many ways it's not.

When I lived here before I wasn't a college graduate nor did I have a license to practice psychology. When I lived here before I wasn't married, I didn't have a child. I was 21 for crying out loud. I'm 33 now. Am I even the same person? Mostly I am but it's interesting how changing some of those things about the mechanics and make up of my life have changed how I view not only the geography of the landscape but the culture, the people, the values, the politics and the living that goes with it. Places, things and people that seemed exciting, stimulating and fun now seem dangerous and "terrible for families." Places, people and things that used to seem dull, eccentric or uninteresting are now "family friendly," peaceful and comforting. I am finding that I like being places that are familiar to me from my childhood and college days. I am excited to reconnect with events, resources and ideas that are meaningful to me. I also find myself slipping into old habits of road rage and frustration with the density of people.

Having these full circle experiences in life is kind of nice but at the same time reminds me that I'm aging. Having a child makes you think of that a lot anyway, I didn't need the extra reminders. But, the truth is, no matter how hard this ride of life turns out to be, going backward or never changing would never really be satisfying. I am comforted by the fact that I'm capable of appreciating more ways of being not only for myself but for others too. This is because I've "moved."

I believe that thinking and opening your mind is about moving. You go to different places with your ideas and ways of viewing the world and those in it. What amazes me is how many people don't seem to have moved at all, despite having undergone as much change in their lives as I have. How can some who have lived in the same place most of their lives have "moved" but those given every opportunity and resource to "move," never do? I think it's an important question to ask; some of you probably don't, no, some of you definitely don't.

I'm not certain that when I left here 12 years ago that I would have understood how important it would be for me to appreciate differences in the world and more importantly cultivate them in myself. I'm not certain I would have understood how important I think it is for my son to grow up in a world that embraces difference and respects it's necessity for the health of our society. My husband is always saying that being "liberal" (which I guess I am by Fox News's Standards) is an inherently weak position because it is one of tolerance. And, if you believe in tolerance you make room for the bullies who see things in a narrow intolerant way providing space for those who try to eliminate you as an independent thinker. Well, I guess...so be it...I like to move...and those who don't well, you know where to move.

My use of electronic communication might be ruining my life...

2009-03-30T14:27:00.001-04:00

Now, I guess I should point out that the medium (a blog) for conveying this message is rather ironic. Regardless I will forage on. Recently I have found myself feeling rather unproductive and short tempered off and on throughout the day for no apparent reason. Well the reason recently became apparent. This past Saturday I decided to be low key and spend the day hanging out with my son at home. We didn’t leave the house once, not even to go the mailbox. I also didn’t turn my computer or ipod on during this time. I spent the day reading, making lunch, eating ice cream, playing trains, planes and automobiles and generally relaxing. We ended the day with a 40 minute soak in the hot tub. I was feeling pretty good as I ushered the kidlet into the shower and shortly after, to bed around 8pm. Then it happened. I turned on my laptop and opened the usual distractions, email, twitter, facebook, cnn, google reader, etc., etc., etc. I immediately felt my sense of peace and accomplishment of a day well spent start to slip away.

Now, being one who subscribes to the tenant that the unexamined life isn’t worth living, I spent some time pondering this. I hadn’t been wasting most of the day, I don’t even spend a majority of my days engaging in those aforementioned computer-based activities. What was it about those things that made me anxious and discontent? Initially I theorized that it was the pressure of keeping up with all of those things, being current, that left me feeling anxious and spent. There is some truth to that but I think there’s more. My hypothesis is that those mediums prevent me not only from living in the moment, but more importantly they prevent me from living in MY moment. With most of those things the initial premise for interacting with them is about me (connecting with my friends, educating myself on current evetents, etc.) but, the end result isn’t. Even when I’m sharing my personal activities through facebook updates and tweets it’s really about someone else reading them rather than about my experience of them.

Basically what I’m saying is that I think a little selfishness and self-focus goes a long way towards being happy. Notice I did say a little. We can’t be all that way and happy can we?

Baggage

2009-02-14T23:36:00.002-05:00

This term is thrown around so often and in so many different contexts nowadays that it’s not always easy to know what this term means anymore. Let me tell you what it means to me. Baggage to me is the junk we carry around (literally or figuratively) that in our most insecure moments makes up what we think is reality and who we think we are. I am very deliberate when I indicate it’s what we “think,” in those vulnerable moments; not necessarily what is true.

I realize this sounds complicated. I realize many of you may not have interest in delving into this subject. But it may be worth your time. People change, really they do. Despite the fact that you may believe and feel and act in some of the same ways you did days, weeks and years ago, you’re not the same person you were then. This means you have to make understanding yourself and those around you an ongoing process. This means that sometimes you let go of that baggage you hold onto about yourself and others. It also means you may be disappointed sometimes. They and you may do exactly what they and you did before, but maybe not. Unless you give yourself and others the room, faith, hope and possibility of being different no one never will be, at least not for you in the reality you create.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” It’s true. If you want something different from yourself or someone else YOU have to do something different too. Maybe it’s time we packed up those suitcases with what we’ve always done and incinerate them or something.

One boy's Valentine's Day festivities...

2009-02-14T15:28:00.006-05:00

So I dutifully went to the gym this morning, hoping to start my Valentine's Day out right. So, the gym that I go to has an elevated track. Half of the track overlooks the cardio equipment one floor below. The other half overlooks the gymnasium, also one floor below. The cardio equipment was packed and busy as usual. In the gymnasium were a large group of girls, between the ages of 10-14 practicing volleyball. I had been on the track for about 20 minutes when I noticed a young boy, probably about 12, walking in front of me. I was confused to notice that sometimes he would pass me running fairly fast only for me then to pass him a short while later as he was going very slow and kind of hugging the railing. I started paying more attention to his pattern. Eventually it dawned on me. He would run as fast as he could through the section overlooking the cardio equipment then followed by a very slow and attentive stroll that included gazing down into the gymnasium at the female volleyball players. I guess that's one way of enjoying your Valentine's Day! Hope you all have good ones.

When will I stop being so naive?

2009-02-10T20:37:00.005-05:00

Generally I don't think of myself as naive. I've seen a fair number of things in my 32+ years. I certainly don't go around expecting the best of people most of the time. However, this last reality check has been a real doozy. Most of you who know me and my family are aware that we've been through some rough times in the last month. I won't reiterate all of the details here but suffice it to say we are reorienting our life in a big way. Those who have put us in this situation have led me to ask the question with which I titled this post. These were my errors:

I believed the promises they made to me and my family.
I assumed their interest in me and my family was genuine.
I gave them the benefit of the doubt when their actions and choices were questionable.
I failed to heed the warnings their reputations denoted.
I believed the feelings and energy we had invested in their lives and well-being would be valued.

So...I was had. Now the question is: was it my fault? Should I have known better or would having been that cynical have ruined other things for me?

I'm left with other questions though: when will I stop feeling so hurt, betrayed, angry and frustrated over how I was treated? When will I no longer wake up in the night having imaginary conversations with them trying to help them see how little integrity they have and what a sad existence they have carved out for themselves? When will I look back on this blog post with a sense of peace? When? Anyone have any answers?

Where I work...

2009-01-09T20:28:00.002-05:00

So, when I am working (which is only some semesters), I work at Lake Michigan college. The head of the Psychology Department called me today to chat about my upcoming class and see if there was anything I needed. I mentioned how good of an experience teaching there has been for me. She said they needed all the good PR they could muster due to the bad press they had been receiving recently. I hadn't heard of it so I did a little digging. This is article is what I found. Disturbing and annoying.

Who doesn't love monkeys?

2008-11-30T20:37:00.004-05:00

As if this video wasn't amusing enough on its own, the Americans interviewed in it are family friends of ours. Enjoy =)

Who we really are...

2008-11-05T20:45:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends...regardless of how you voted yesterday. I would appreciate it if you would take the time to read the article linked below that was written by a Republican. For those of you who believe our two party system represents two vastly different segments of society you might want to chat with a few people who voted differently from you and then decide if you really don't share similar values. Whether we like it or not both major parties in the United States tend to be rather centrist. As some college statistics class probably taught you all, deviating too far to the extreme does not align you with very many people (and certainly won't get you elected). Take the time to look back on the early history of our great nation. Our founding fathers rarely agreed, they argued hard and often, but they respected their differences and agreed that the ebb and flow of power being shared amongst all was paramount to our success. We are one nation made great by our diversity...do you agree?

Article:
GOP Viewpoint: We Got the Thumping We Deserve

Is Palin really John McCain's running mate or did she pop out of a cake somwhere and is blackmailing him?

2008-10-02T23:16:00.003-04:00

I'm sure it's obvious at this point that during this upcoming election I'm supporting the Obama Biden ticket. Watching the vice presidential debate solidified this choice for me more than ever. I could start and go for quite a while about the things I found disturbing about Sarah Palin in this debate but I'd like to point out a couple of key things.

- Expecting countries who do not agree with our values and policies to agree to conditions prior to to even sitting down and talking with them seems improbable if not impossible and a naive notion

- I suspect that the reason people are asking for drilling has far less to do with turning to domestic energy sources and more to do with people not wanting to pay so much for gas. I mean, come on, none of these people are choosing to not shop at Wal-mart and the like in an effort to buy more American made products and discontinue our DEPENDENCE on Chinese products. I'm all for going local and domestic but let's get real, oil is the least of our worries in regards to dependence on foreign countries supplying our daily needs.

- Tax relief in order to create jobs too often equals tax relief for the rich. It doesn't trickle down like would be nice. Current research definitely shows that the people investing and keeping the economy lubricated is the average American making less thatn $100k per year, not the so called job creators.

- I have a lot of respect and appreciation for people who have served in our military and are convicted and dedicated to protecting our country and its values. However, stating that one man knows how to win a war by virtue of having served during war would qualify a lot of people I know to be commander-in-chief. I'm not really comfortable with that.

- I am afraid for this country right now. Am I really living in a country where a person who conducts themselves like Sarah Palin appeals to any significant portion of the population? We're talking about presidency of the country here people not of the PTA. This is serious!

Getting out of my comfort zone...

2008-09-28T21:52:00.003-04:00

Today I volunteered for the Neighbor to Neighbor program supporting Barack Obama. This was not an easy decision for me. Those of you who know me are probably aware that I do not align myself with any particular party but I feel very strong about the outcome of this election. Anyway, I have a list of neighbors I am supposed to contact. It will definitely be a stretch for me to do this. I'm not anxious to approach people I don't know about something so sensitive and important. Who knows what will happen. I guess I'll find out. I'll keep you posted.

New lows...

2008-09-15T10:52:00.003-04:00

Let me preface the following links with saying that I was pretty impressed with John McCain when he ran against GW. Let me also say that I do not have any party loyalties, I've voted for Republican, Democrats and Independents in past elections. However, I'm disappointed in the John McCain this presidential election is revealing. The following links show some of why I feel the way I do. The infamous Karl Rove comments on current election ads and a montage of the inaccuracies in the McCain attack ads. Feel free to comment...particularly if you disagree with me.

If you are interested in T. Boone Pickens, the guy in that montage check him out at the Wikipedia entry on him and his "Pickens Plan" website.

Today minus 7...

2008-09-11T13:07:00.002-04:00

Wow, a two post day. That's huge! I'm sure many of you have had thoughts about this being the anniversary of the attacks on September 11, 2001. At this time seven years ago Erik and I were in Mexio City, Mexio - stranded halfway home from our honeymoon. I think we actually may have been visiting the pyramids at this time, somewhat unaware of just how serious things really were and how despite being booked on flights several times a day for the next 4 we wouldn't be home for nearly a week. We were also unaware of how everything else would be different. Some changes were obvious as we we finally arrived home via our "around the mulberry bush" type return trip though Toronto, Windsor, Detroit, etc. Airport secuity was like we had never experienced - new searches, new questions, new fears. There were American flags everywhere - on people's houses, cars, along the roadside. There was a sense of togetherness, kinship and patriotism I had never known. I don't ever remember feeling so unified with citizens of this country who I could not see and would never meet. Erik commented many times on how the stress of the wedding was followed by a realxing few days in Costa Rica only to be thrust into far worse and disconcerting stress by being stranded from home and then returning to a home that was so different. Gradually over time, things returned to "normal," but not the same. There is a sense of vulnerability that changed how I think about our future: travel, home, work and dreams. This type of change seems to have been the only thing that continued and propegated after the attacks. That sense of unity ebbed away far too soon. In the wake of the Republican and Democratic national conventions I'm reminded of how much we've lost since that time. As I listened to many of the speeches I was disheartened by the lack of respect party enthusiasts have for their "opponents." It's as if the United States political culture has become so egocentric that they've really forgotten that we're one country. We all live, work, and vote as a single body of citizens. Now, we obviously don't all vote the same way or have the same values but when this election is over we are actually all citizens of the same place. Obama may be McCain's president or McCain Obama's. I know this seems obvious but our behavior sure doesn't indicate that. I guess I see the partisan bickering and divisiveness as seven years-worth of steps back from where we were after those horrible attcks seven years ago (hence the title "Today minus 7" - explanation provided for husband who was confused). We've forgotten we need to work together for the good of each other as countrymen and for the rest of the world and stop trying to just be the loudest and last one heard. That means speaking, thinking and acting with integrity, consiousness, honesty and open minds. I know it's a tall order at the moment but it would be nice for me to feel like I could write a blog post this time next year that was titled "Today plus 8" because we've made so much progress.

I found something I like...

2008-09-11T12:58:00.000-04:00

Maybe everyone who reads this already knows about it and I'm just lame and out of touch. But, today I stumbled on this http://www.pandora.com/ I am enamored!! I've discovered numerous artists that I wouldn't have ever found just by them analyzing my tastes. I love it. The essence of what I like about this is not only that I'm finding music I like but the spirit behind this operation. Music seems less show-bizzy this way. I know that Pandora doesn't have the corner on this market movement but it's the electronic and digital age of music that I like. I like that I don't have to purchase entire albums anymore, I like that I can listen to stuff without waiting for it on the radio or listening to those endlessly annoying dj's. Music is supposed to be artistic...it's nice that it's being presented and sold as such rather than as mass media that must be crammed down our throats with the agenda of some super marketing/publishing company. These are exciting times, no?

I think I'm bad at blogging...

2008-08-26T11:17:00.000-04:00

I haven't written anything in over two months. I just forget. Right now I'm marveling at the Facebook phenomenon. I am am getting in touch with people I didn't think I'd ever hear from again. I like it. But it's weird too. I know this is a simple concept, but I find it startling that these people that used to be a daily part of my life I no longer know much about and more importantly they're going about their lives at the same time I am - waking, eating, talking, learning, breathing, exploring, enjoying, grieving, sleeping. I know I can't actually maintain all those relationships with the intensity I did in high school and college but it sure is nice to have a glimpse now and then.

The great equalizer...

2008-06-19T16:39:00.001-04:00

...is children. I'm not certain I've ever been force fed so much humility in my life as I have since having a child. Lots of what you believed or hoped was true about loving them, worrying about them, controlling them and caring for them is not true or is much harder than you ever imagined. Probably the biggest misconception I had was that my will would be stronger than his because I was the adult. That's definitely not how it works. I have to make a conscious decision to outlast him in any battle of wills because he will always push me past my usual breaking point. Now, I know that some of this is just unique to a strong-willed child, but there are lots of us out there that have those kind of children. The parents that don't have them are the ones who give you those loathsome looks in the store, church and other public places clearly trying to say with their eyes, "You do not know how to raise your child correctly, good thing I do!" Yeah, I know this sounds kinda paranoid but many of you know what I'm talking about. They're out there. Well, I've come to accept (sorta) that I just have to move past that. It's not easy. I still want to run and hide when my son lets loose one of his powerful attention grabbing tantrums in some public place and some mother with a completely docile little girl in clean clothes and sitting quietyly and demurely in her cart looks on with "THAT LOOK." Well, maybe one day I'll be rewarded for all this humliation. In some ways I already am. I now have sympathy and understanding for people I never would have. My heart goes out to that parent at the airport wrestling her screaming child with one arm while she fishes for money in her wallet to pay for the pizza that took the attendant 10 minutes to get. I have understanding for the parent checking out at the store as quickly as possible so she can go hide her embarrassment in the privacy of her car since everyone has been listening to her child wail and scream the whole time she shopped. I identify with the parent chasing her child down the mall/sidewalk/thoroughfare yelling, "STOP!" while she juggles bags and humiliation brought on by this tiny person having outsmarted her yet again. I feel for those people, and I didn't used to. I also understand how that same child can bring you to your knees with joy and love in a way I never imagined. I think it's all worth it, but boy it's hard.

The Blair...Project...

2008-05-29T14:41:00.000-04:00

This week I was lucky enough to go and hear, in person, a speech by Tony Blair (for those of you completely out of it he's the former Prime Minister of England and N. Ireland). It was a fantastic speech. Given the media's reporting of his close relationship with G.W. I was wary at first. However, I am now, more than ever convinced that relationship was one strictly of necessity and a few common goals rather than similar thinking.

Anyway, his three major points centered around globalization, defense against terrorism, and the health of our Environment. He was fairly gentle and was great at softening his harder hitting points by adding some humor. However his overriding theme was that we need to develop a network of global relationships and alliances to better face the challenges of our future (the growing power in the far East, terrorism and environmental and engery crises). He said in no uncertain terms that coming together as citzizens of the world was the only way to conquer these looming challenges. I agree with him. I would imagine the majority of the audience did not. Or at minimum had no idea what he was talking about. Let me explain.

Tony Blair gives this terrific, sobering, inspiring speech about critical current events. The former Prime Minister is an expert/leader in politics and foreign relations/affairs: what would be the first question you would think someone would ask him after his speech? Well, I'll tell you! It was, "Who are your heroes?" I was dumbstruck. Are you serious? This earth shattering question was followed by, "Please tell us about why you converted to Roman Catholocism." And the next, even more stimulating audience contribution was someone personally thanking Mr. Blair for standing by the U.S. and President Bush and calling for a round of applause. I was embarrassed! I am fearful that Mr. Blair's perception of Southwest Michigan is now that we are a bunch of small minded childish imperialists who can't see beyond our own noses. Ok, maybe that's a little harsh. But, well I don't care.

Going green...

2008-05-12T09:45:00.000-04:00

Ok...so this is the latest craze. I have to say I'm kinda annoyed about how it's going though. Our household has made lots of efforts to be more ecologically friendly and responsible (recycled paper towels, natural or organic laundry detergent, hand soap, toothpaste, personal care products and household cleaners, earthy friendly diapers and baby wipes, organic and natural foods, cloth reusable grocery bags, not using the plastic produce bags at the market, utilizing a recycling program). However, *warning I'm gonna be blunt* I don't think most people are intelligent enough to discern that lots of these supposedly "green" efforts by lots of huge companies are really just marketing. Not to mention how many people will be sucked into purchasing these wonderful "green" products but won't bother to recycle the plastic bottles they came in. (aka, the WALL of "green" Clorox products at the front door at Wal-Mart). Beleive you me, I am all for going "green" in a real genuine responsible way, not as a fad. But I guess the real question for me is... *here it comes - really blunt*: Why are most of us so willing to be so complacent and ignorant about our choices in life?

Now, I know this goes much deeper than your particular shade of "green." But really? What are we doing? I'm amazed at how upset people are about the prices of gas. Frankly I think it's wonderful (depsite the disruption to my spending money). What else is going to acutally make people take notice of the impending crisis our overuse and dependence on fossil fuel will create? Does it really not bother you to see yet another huge tract of land taken up by yet another strip mall where people can overextend their credit in yet another way? I guess what I'm getting at is where is our sense of stewardship in life? What do you think?

I-lub-oo...

2008-04-08T16:20:00.000-04:00

So this week, for the first time of his own volition, my son told me that he loved me. Ok, it sounds more like "I Lub Oo," (said mostly as one word) but still! I'm am constantly awed at how pure and honest he is, sometimes painfully so. That's what makes these moments so overwhelming. There's no pretense, he doesn't hold back, he just expresses exactly what he thinks/wants/feels right now and as unadulterated as possible. He dances with wild abandon to pretty much any song he fancies. He's very fond of the ABC song at the moment, and that's definitely in the top 10 dance songs at our house. When you watch him, his movements are so natural, he tries new contortions and flailings spontaneously and without self conscious inhibition. What must it be like to be that free? I know I probably was at one time, but it was so long ago and I'm so inhibited by how I hope and fear other people perceive me that I'm never sure I'm myself anymore.

How does that happen? How do we start living outside ourselves so much? What makes us think we should? Is it reversible? I hope so. I think I'm gonna try it.

I feel...

2008-03-20T09:02:00.000-04:00

...the pressure. I feel like I need to write something. And, I'm really self-conscious about what I write. Lots of things have been "going on" in my life, but none of them seem blog worthy. Leif got his first hair cut and did a lot of screaming, we got rid of our "spare" washer and dryer, Frasier got new feeding dishes. Clearly there's too much excitement in my life to report on any one thing. My friend Michael has the ridiculously obscure and clever market cornered in his blog (see "This is stupid" link) so I can't go that route.

Maybe I should just get down to what I'm avoiding. I'm turning 32 next week. Doesn't that seem outrageous? I am now an age that I at least vaguely remember my parents being. How could I be there already? Have I done enough already? Do I have enough energy to do anything else? Having a toddler definitely makes me question that last one.

Really, overall, I'm pretty satisfied with my life when I stop to think about it. I never had extremely specific expectations about my adulthood. I thought I'd grow up and be happy; the specifics of that were pretty up in the air. That probably accounts for my satisfaction: I haven't been disappointed. Sure I'd like some things to be different...

- I'd like my parents to live closer to me.
- I wish that I had gotten more sleep over the last 2.5 years.
- I'd like to live in a bigger/nicer house with more than one bathroom.
- I'd like to be in better physcial shape/health.

But mostly I have a lot of really great things in my life...

- I have an astonishingly smart, sweet and vivacious child
- I have an intelligent, loyal and well employed husband =)
- I am really close to my family
- I have some very good friends
- I finished my Masters degree
- I am LOVING what little work I do outside the home (teaching)
- We have a really comfortable bed
- Leif sleeps through the night pretty consitently.

What I notice is that I wouldn't trade any of those good things for things I want or would wish. Ok I'd probably trade the bed and maybe even my job for having my parents closer and being in better shape. That's not doing too bad for almost 32.

The catalyst: A memorial

2008-03-12T17:26:00.000-04:00

One catalyst for the conversation I had with my Dad that resulted in him telling me to write more was the recent death of my husband's and my friend Scott Merkel.

Erik and I met Scott in May of 2001, a few months before we were married. He was the listing realtor for the house that we later bought (and still live in). We were immediately impressed with the house and being new to the home purchasing experience probably didn't conceal our enthusiasm very well. Scott later told us that he knew we were going to make an offer. He said, "It was obvious." We were also impressed with Scott. He was easy to be around, funny, smart and bluntly honest (something that those of you who know me will understand I appreciate). That was the beginning of our friendship with Scott. Even though througout the coming years we didn't actually see him often it was always with delight that we spent time with him, his wife and later his daughter Lexie. Amanda, his wife, is such fun and full of life. Their daugther Lexie, so smart, thoughtful and sweet. One of my most cherished memories of time spent with them was when after many hours of laboring on the new flooring in our living room - Scott, Amanda and Lexie stopped by with the intention of giving Erik some pointers on what to do to finish/fix the floor. They ended up spending the rest of the evening with us. Scott and Erik diligently working on the floor while Amanda, Lexie and I watched Disney movies. I remember telling Amanda how I felt guilty that Scott was spending all this time working on our house and that we hadn't intended for him to do that. She made it clear that it wasn't a bother by saying, "Are you kidding? This is what he would rather be doing."

Despite the fact that our contact over the last several years has been sporadic, I have been deeply grieved by the loss of Scott. Not a day has past since his death that I haven't thought of him, his wife, their daughter and his family. I try to imagine what it must be like to wake up in the morning with the realization that he is no longer here as a spouse, a parent, a son, a brother...but I can't. What little I have to offer in the area of spiritual support through prayer and good thoughts I've streamed their way as often as I've thought of them.

Scott will be sorely missed. However, no matter how cliche, he was definitely a bright spot in the world and left this world better than when he came into it, just by being who he was.

I'm certain this is an unconventional way of starting a blog, but none-the-less Scott's really the reason it has started so it seems fitting.

And so it begins...

2008-03-12T17:25:00.000-04:00

During our recent vacation to Orlando my Dad told me that I should spend some time writing. I asked, "You mean like a blog." And he said, "Yes, blog." He is of the opinion that this may help me in my existential journey/angst/fear/uncertainty. I'm not so sure yet.

One of the reasons I hadn't started one before, despite how envogue they've become, was because I assumed I had to have a sense of importance about what I was going to write in order to commit it to type and screen. My husband pointed out to me that no one HAS to read it. So, with that caveat I guess I'll share my thoughts with whomever bothers to read this.